I had an appointment this morning for electrolysis, and being my day off I opted to wear comfy clothes and no make-up. When I arrived the woman immediately apologized for having no make-up on and went into all of the reasons why she didn’t have time to get ready before our appointment and how sorry she was. After hearing that, I then proceeded to apologize to her just as profusely for being in sweats!
A few minutes later I had time to reflect upon what had happened and I said to her “isn’t it funny that we just did that? Do you ever see men apologizing to each other for not looking put together or for looking a certain way?”.
Every single woman I know (myself included) are guilty of this: apologizing for things that don’t require forgiveness! Think about when you arrive at a friend’s house-what is one of the first things that happens? Chances are she tells you she is sorry for the mess, sorry she didn’t have a chance to pick up the toys, or wash the floors before your arrival. I am sure you don’t care; you’re thrilled to see your friend! Yet when she arrives at your house, do you do the same thing?
I have been reflecting on this all day, especially the “why” behind this common female tendency. There are probably a lot of deep psychological reasons behind this, but I am going to throw my amateur two cents in. I think that the pressure we put on ourselves to be the perfect wife, mother, friend, all the while taking care of our selves and looking flawless as we do it, is excessive and extremely damaging! It is usually self-imposed because I believe that the vast majority of us have people our lives who don’t put these expectations on us, but for some reason we put them on ourselves! When we inevitably can’t accomplish perfection, we figure calling attention to it with an apology and explanation offsets any comments people can make. In other words we call ourselves out before others can.
The fact of the matter is there will ALWAYS be something that needs to be done and most especially there will always be a curveball thrown at us. (As I am anticipating a snow day tomorrow and wondering how I will get things done lol.) There will be days when the stars align and we accomplish most of our “to-do” lists, and perhaps on those days we will happen to have a good hair day too. But our happiness and self-worth cannot be conditional on outside appearances. We are not Stepford wives! We have to try to limit these unreal standards that we put on ourselves and most definitely we have to stop apologizing for the messes in our lives!