“It’s Not Me It’s You.”

A huge determinant of our success with goals in life, particularly fitness goals, is our internal dialogues. The voice inside our heads telling us either: “Hey you’ve got this!” or “You’re not good enough” can make or break our decision-making, and a major factor in how we speak to ourselves is how we have internalized negative messages we’ve been told over the years; both verbal and nonverbal.

I have had numerous conversations with clients about the negative comments we can recall as clearly as if they just happened- the teacher who told us as girls we were too bossy, the relative who grabbed our love handles when we were going through puberty, the mean girls in high school, even a random stranger’s remarks…the list can go on and is varied for every individual. However I would be willing to bet that every single woman, myself included, can recall at least one of these comments, and how she felt in that exact moment. Even worse we can all name at least one way those comments have affected our view of ourselves and have potentially limited our personal growth by convincing us that person’s view was true.

As difficult as it is, the key is to break the hold these comments have had over us over the years, and the way to do it is by recognizing that the issue is with the commentator who thinks that making negative comments is acceptable. I have a relative who relishes in making the people around her feel miserable, by pointing out their flaws almost gleefully. However as much as there can be a sting to her comments, I remind myself that she is unhappy with her life, and that her motivation is to hold others down.

As I mentioned it isn’t always easy, but by reminding ourselves “It isn’t me it’s you”, we can take back our own personal power, by transferring the negative energy from those types of remarks back onto the person making them. By not allowing them to affect us we can maintain a self-love and self-worth based on a healthy and honest knowledge of ourselves, not on an isolated person’s comments. ~MC

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